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Crystal Cafe
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The people who use Crystal Cafe are trannies btw, if that matters. |
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OMG SHE IS SO ATTRACTIVE!!!
This page features a very pretty woman. |
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The people who use Crystal Cafe are against trannies btw, if that matters[Marge...] |
Crystal Cafe, ('fe in soy speak) also known as Chudcel Pissfe, is a website dedicated to the unwashed fujoshis and female involuntary celibates ("femcels") (oxymoron). They will always complain about men (even though they not-so-secretly seek affection from) and every thread of theirs ends up in a argument, no matter the subject. (of course you fucking moron) Just like trannies, they post kino cute anime girls gifs as a way to cope with looking like a teenager with down syndrome. It has currently been down for a good couple days and there are doubts that it will return soon.
The 'fe is also notoriously among the most trannyphobic communities on the internet, rivaling even the Sharty.
They are OUR ENEMIES (even doe they essentially have oppressive thoughts and beliefs that are similar to our own). They are ALL COALERS. You will NOT go THERE. soyboys and femcels are made for each other, even doe you're not getting laid.
One of the unwritten rules of the 'arty is that you WILL be obsessed with them and you WILL post about how much you hate them because they are the reason mental asylums and guides on how to have sex exist, except nobody actually cares and your threads just evolve into a slopjak soyduel.
Umm actually chud according to Similarweb, 70% of Crystal Cafe's userbase is actually male as opposed to the userbase of Lolcow Farm－an imageboard dedicated to female eceleb and otherwise online drama and sister site to the 'fe－which is just 20%, although it can be argued that cafe users have more male interests and search history than regular women as opposed to lolcow users so the datamining tracker lists them as male.
As of November 27th, 2024, the site has been down for almost a week.[1]
Boards[edit | edit source]
/meta/[edit | edit source]
The meta board.
/b/[edit | edit source]
The random board, where most of the seethe about men happens.
/media/[edit | edit source]
Basically /a/, /lit/, /mu/, /tv/, and /v/ all rolled into one.
/img/[edit | edit source]
Board designed for people on the 'fe to post their "aesthetic" images.
>Oh my Steinem this is like my hecking Pinterest or something!
/feels/[edit | edit source]
/adv/ from 4chan complete with all the seething over not getting attention from a 8/10+ of the opposite gender.
/hb/[edit | edit source]
Health and Beauty, yeah what (You) would expect.
/x/[edit | edit source]
Filled with nutjobs and retards like every other /x/ board in existence.
/nsfw/[edit | edit source]
Hidden board dedicated to sexual discussions, filled with actual pedophiles.
Crystal Cafe Lies Debunked by Real Soyence[edit | edit source]
WARNING: the following has been classified as disinformation by real NSS agents. Proceed at your own risk.
Recently, in a rather amusing fashion, it was discovered that the animosity 'teens often manifest towards Crystal Cafe users is a coping mechanism for their inability to deal with the intense feelings of love/lust/need they feel towards 'fe miners. When forced to confront the issue, even online, soyteens usually revert to a rather funny flustered and stuttering mess.
To this day, even posting a 'fejak is enough to make the average soyteen's head spin.
What I (a 'fe queen btw) want to do to a random innocent guy on the bus[edit | edit source]
I take the train with the same guy every single day. He's a tall, handsome white guy and my God he smells amazing. When its packed I take the chance to press against him and when it's warm out, all that fresh sweat on him drives me so fucking crazy. He has this deep, rumbling, sad voice and it makes me think he's a sub. I just want so badly to snatch him by the shirt and drag him off the train to a secluded end of the platform, take him to his knees, pin him against the wall and smother him. The thought of him simply accepting his fate as I push him over and strip him runs through my head whenever I see him bend down or crouch. I want to ride him as he groans with pleasure I'm forcing on him until he grunts and lets out a little quivering moan that lets me know he's mine now.
Give me your babies and become my house slave, cute boy. Now.
Fe queens copypasta[edit | edit source]
 | Somebody call fuckin' Soyberg! The following was likely written during a schizo episode. You WILL remind the author to take his meds. |
I browse Crystal.cafe and lolcow.farm with a vibrator in my ass while GOONING. I enter threads about any topic at all - crocheting, husbandos, hornyposting, advice, horoscopes, I GOON to it. The topic doesn't matter. What matter is the real HUMAN connection, to a real life WOMAN, behind the screen. I find a certain glee in knowing that with every stroke of my greasy pungent cock the foid on the other end is enjoying her little feminist board, blissfully unaware that I'm shaking in wretched pleasure to her. I wonder how she'd feel? If she could see me like this, if I could force a vision of myself in my current state into her brain, her watching me GOON my aching prostate and spew my seed onto an innocuous photo she posted of the Percy Jackson book she just bought which just happened to contain her oh-so-delectable supple hands. In terms of cum tributes, my favorite subject would have to be the drawings from the 'draw yourself' threads. For each one of those threads, I print out a handful of about 8 of the cutes 'fe sweetheart' self-portraits and make it my mission every day to cum at least once on each. It's those little goals that you set for yourself daily that make life really enjoyable. I consider it a sort of magic, a la voodoo or Law of Attraction.. I like to think that at some point after I've done my deed, the girl will feel a faint sinking disgust, a stifling cold sweat that she can't explain, and think of me. I make my own messages in these boards, too. They're quickly deleted, of course: They reply "Moid!" "Creep!" "Incel!" "Loser!". Every one of these insults only serve to make my erection harder. This passionate attention from my lovely 'fe goddesses simply makes my dick diamond. Every time I'm banned, I punish myself by ratcheting my ass-vibrator to the highest setting for the rest of the day. I curl up into a ball, moaning and crying, imagining that my lovely GODDESSES are above me clad in leather, whipping me for being such a naughty boy, and for being a filthy MOID PIG. I want to savor every last bit of their impotent rage, knowing that I've violated them and there's nothing they can do about it. Knowing that my very loathsome corrupting presence has completely RUINED their beloved TERF board. Even if one of my precious cafe babes gets a boyfriend, as many of them have, they will always feel a knot in their stomach when they realize that I'm GOONING to their posts every day, and their poor boyfriend is getting metaphysically cucked by a fat sweaty loser. And I do mean every day - I don't forget a single one of my goddesses. I have detailed files which i have written one-handed about the posting habits and defining features of over 30 women, and I track their new posts regularly. I make sure I at least cum to one of their posts every week. It's a tough thing to keep up, but I wouldn't want any one of them to get jealous of the other. My darlings loathe and fear me, but they will learn to love me one day. I love you, Crystal.cafe babes! I LOVE YOU!
External links[edit | edit source]
- https://www.patreon.com/crystalcafe (>this is NOT a thinly-veiled sex trafficking operation)
